Chapter 3

Time is moving on, and each day, he is in the background of everything I do.  I want to jump through the hoops that are required to hurry him home, but I must wait.  I wait for emails to be returned, and for paperwork to arrive in my mailbox.  I check constantly.  There is peace in the wait though.  I heard back from our caseworker that we CAN get him a tutor while he waits, that they CAN order some more medical tests for him, that I CAN definitely visit him and begin the bonding process when I travel in February.  We’ve already been to our trusty notary girl and parcel place guy.  Friends are supportive and excited for us.  Pictures of his face are printed and being carried around in little wallets and pockets.  No, not everyone knows and we will not make a big announcement.  It is enough for us to carry him around in our hearts and for those who are closest to us and for those we know will pray in earnest for us to know.  There’s not many things that I feel SURE about, but when I do, my heart does ache for those around me to bolster my confidence and share in my excitement.  I recall being pregnant and bursting with excitement to share the news with everyone because I KNEW they would rejoice with us.   I loved to share about my doctor’s appointments and the different things developmentally that were going on with the bab(ies) week to week.  The experience has been different with adoption-- some will not rejoice or even notice the child that is not growing before their eyes in your belly, but is unseen, growing in your heart.   You will jump through a zillion hoops, many of which no one will even ask about or realize.  Most will not understand that when you refer to your kids, you mean all FIVE of them—the 4 here and the 1 that is waiting in Ethiopia… Many will not champion or advocate for the child that is “waiting” because he’s not “YOURS” yet.  And that can be hard, because in your heart he is like a baby growing in your belly whom you attach to the moment you know about him.  There is a connection you can’t deny but sometimes feel you must suppress because others do.

I believe that God takes us on this journey in part because it grows our intimacy with Him.  When we don’t feel like we’re walking in step with the crowd, it can be lonely and isolating.  But, he tells us that He is right beside us, and that HIS heart is for the orphan, the outcast, and the forgotten.  It is an indescribable comfort to feel His presence and to read His Word right now, when I feel quite separate from the rest of the world.  Watching the hustle and bustle of people this Christmas is like watching a movie.  I am content to sit in the audience, but I do get frustrated with the movie.  It frustrates me that people are buying billions of dollars worth of stuff for people that don’t need it in attempt to “please” those people.  Doing something that “pleases” Jesus (the real reason for the season) is an anomaly and labeled radical or “weird.”  Giving gifts to others is a wonderful expression of love that I do think can be pleasing to God.  But, more often than not, I don’t think our audience in gift-giving is God.  It’s making that person/ people “happy” and growing OUR favor with them.  It’s inspiring to see all of the charitable giving that goes on at Christmas and we’ve done our share of classroom canned food drives, Operation Christmas Child boxes, a shoe drive, a coat drive, and donating to families in need.    At every store entrance, there are Salvation Army representatives.  At every check-out, there are opportunities to donate to different hospitals. There are so many wonderful causes out there and wonderful people who are running and supporting them.  And as much as I think those opportunities to give are important and valued, they likely don’t change the trajectory of the lives of those that give. 

One of the reasons I love our church is because people’s LIVES are being changed.  Transformed.  Faith, loving Jesus, and serving God isn’t just an aspect of people’s lives.  It IS people’s lives.  There’s a magnetism to it because people’s hearts are made for transformation.  Just Love, our adoption and orphan care ministry is GROWING because people see and taste something unique and compelling.  Something that is bigger than ourselves that has redemptive power and unspeakable joy.  That something is Jesus.  Our pastor doesn’t preach “Gospel light” either.  The words he speaks each week are right out of the Bible, the inspired Word of God, and they are not “watered-down” to make people feel more comfortable or good about themselves.  That version of the Bible might tickle our ears a bit and make us feel good for a season but they don’t sustain our faith because they don’t compel us to live our faith.  Living for an audience of One requires hearing and preaching the Gospel to yourself constantly.  It requires fellowship and accountability.  And it requires following God’s voice into situations where you are weak and He is strong.  It’s not about adoption or mission trips or any other “ministry.”  It’s the unique plan that God has for each person, to transform their hearts, and to call them into relationship with Him.  It’s a relationship of utter dependence (us on Him) --- recognition of our own depravity and recognition of what He did by coming here and dying on the cross.  It should motivate every decision we make.    

Some will applaud our decision to adopt an older, waiting child and credit our compassion and our sacrifice.  Others will criticize our decision to adoption an older, waiting child and critique our resources and our stability.  Both of those evaluations are about “us.” What I didn’t realize when this call was placed on our hearts is that this isn’t about “us” AT ALL.   For the applauders, we are nowhere near saints, and for the criticizers, you are probably right about our lack of resources and stability.  But both of those evaluations leave out the real reason we are where we are, with transformed hearts and lives that are not our own.  Jesus.  It is fitting that He came as a tiny baby, born to a humble woman, in a lowly manger.  Nobody would be expecting that!  In the same way, He calls us to do things sometimes that don’t fit with the “model” of how our society or even our brains operate.  He surprises us as He lives and moves among us, even now.  When our lives make “complete sense” to the rest of the world, I think we should be a little concerned.  For if our lives are to become more and more like Christ, we should be looking less and less like the picture of “success” as defined by our society.  So, this Christmas, we are celebrating the God of surprises who when He came, no one expected, believed, or sought after.  But 2000 years later, His “surprise” is the most magnificent gift the world could ever receive.