Chapter 2

For the last year, I have felt a pull on my heart that there was another little Ethiopian boy out there, meant to join our family.  I tried to pray the feeling away and asked/ begged God to PLEASE remove it if it was not His will or to put it on Galen’s heart too if it was His will.  The feeling did go away… for a few days or weeks here and there.  But it always came back.  I had no direction for it either.  I felt strongly that the boy would be older and waiting, and that his hope for a future was grim without us.  The one thing my husband and I agreed on was that we felt “finished” with the baby and even toddler years.  We had a contentment in moving forward with the ages and stages of our current kids.  But I could not shake the feeling that someone was missing in our mix.  In the last few months, the feeling grew to where I had to start searching and looking for him.  I researched agencies, looked at waiting kids lists, asked lots of questions, and I prayed.  I knew that there would be no moving forward with ANYTHING unless Galen LED the decision.  Researching is a hobby of mine—I enjoy accumulating information, and I was content to investigate and excited to see what God might reveal.  But ultimately, I trust Galen’s discernment and wisdom MUCH more than I do my own.  I in no way wanted to manipulate or guide this enormous decision, and I have great confidence in my husband’s relationship with God and consequently the leadership of our family (I don’t envy his role!).  Almost every day, Galen and I talked about it—I’d share with him anything I found but there wasn’t any clear revelations for either of us.  I was mainly looking at boys between 4 and 8, thinking a little boy in the middle of our littles would be a good “fit.”  In October, I came across a boy in foster care in the U.S. who was from Ethiopia and was 18.  We looked at his picture and watched his video vignette many times.  It seemed crazy that we would entertain adopting an 18 year old, as this boy was about to age out of the system.  But he still needed and WANTED a home base, a family to call his own.  Especially a dad.  Who loves sports.  We prayed for Ben, even inquired about him, but a few weeks later, he was removed from the waitlist.  I don’t know what happened to him, but we hope that he is in family who loves him unconditionally now.  He opened our eyes and hearts to older, waiting boys, who by no fault of their own, are victims of a stereotype.

 A few weeks later, Ordinary Hero’s “Speak Up” newsletter came out, and that is when we saw him.  I recognized him because he was in the “Speak Up” newsletter in July too.  He still had no family, and the description of him was compelling:  

I have not been able to get my mind off this boy since the summer. I assumed he had found a family but he is still waiting. He stood out to me because of his funny personality. He was SO personable and was striking poses for me while I took his picture. He loved making me laugh. I just kept thinking how he did not have a look or feel of an orphan but he looked like he could have been a friend of my son's from America. He was full of joy and he brought it out in all the kids. You can see it in his face. He is a really handsome kid. Thank you for your prayers for Abraham to find a family. Prayer changes things! Looking forward to finding him a family soon. You can look at him and tell he has a bright future.

I showed Galen and he gave me the go-ahead to inquire about him.  I spoke with many different families who had met him.  They asked their kids (now home) who were in the orphanage with him about him for us.  I asked the agency for information and they gave us his file.  We’ve looked at dozens of photos and video of him.  We have gotten to know “Abraham” a little bit over the past few weeks through these inquiries, but through prayer, we have gotten to know that it is God’s heart for us to pursue him and to adopt him into our family.  The “red flag” that initially concerned me, and so I don’t fault others for having the same concern (initially), is that Abraham is THIRTEEN AND A HALF YEARS OLD.  We have not gone through any teenage years, and I’m not very eager for our oldest daughters to get there.  Our household has an innocence and beauty that I want to preserve and protect.  Yet, how is it fair that this boy is overlooked time and time again, that people are “afraid” of him without knowing him, that his future is very grim simply because of his age?  Is that his fault?  Is our choice to protect and preserve our home’s “innocence” based on fear and “what-if’s”?  Isn’t God bigger than those fears and “what-if’s”?  If He’s calling us to be Abraham’s parents, isn’t He going to equip us with everything we need?  No, we definitely don’t have those things in and of our own strength and wisdom (Abraham’s life experience is beyond anything I’ve ever known or experienced), but we trust in God, the Creator of the Universe who loves us so much that He sent His only son to die for us and then raised Him from the dead to redeem US. 

We believe that one day Abraham could have an amazing testimony and impact on the world because of God’s love, faithfulness, and work in him and his call for us to be his parents.  In the same way, we have already seen “fruits” in our family of loving and welcoming the stranger, the outcast, and the unwanted...  Abraham is not here or even aware of us yet, but our family is already changed because of him.  Do those “what-if’s” and fears go away?  No (and they are stirred up by people’s comments), but God’s voice, promises, hope, and reassurance is louder.  We are not naive going into this—I worked as a social worker in adoption and foster care and have seen and heard some very scary things.  As a result, I also have a heightened sense of the factors that cause those very scary things.  We continue to pray that God would give us discernment as we proceed through the process, that doors would be closed if this is not His will.   Just as with marriage, parenting, and adoption so far, we pray and trust that God would make His desires our desires.  In the past week, I’ve stopped looking at waiting kids lists, and I’m not restless to search anymore.  Our hearts have settled on him, and the missing little boy now has a face and a name.  Our children talk about him and pray for him every day.  Our littlest is telling his teachers, friends, and complete strangers about his big brother, so our news is already being released by an already devoted little brother!

We know that this news will take others time to process.   Many will likely be caught off-guard and have immediate fears come to mind that are well-intended, in love for our family.  We understand those emotions and have had time to work through them ourselves.  You may think that we are crazy in which case, we go back to the Francis Chan quote earlier- Are we crazy for realizing how SHORT our time on this earth is and for wanting to serve and glorify God with all we have and are now, knowing we have eternity with Him in Heaven ahead of us?  Or are you crazy for spending this life making yourself as safe and as comfortable as possible, without need or want of Him?  If you pray for the prior, you might just find yourself in a “crazy” situation just like us, with a peace that is out of this world!  In our stepping out in faith and taking what others might consider a great “risk,” we are excited to see God’s promises fulfilled and to experience His faithfulness firsthand.  In the warmth and safety of the “bubbles” we like to create and exist in, we miss out on how incredible these promises and this faithfulness TRULY is.  We welcome your prayers and your support and pray especially for others who will love our SON alongside and with us.